If you follow me on any of my social media accounts, you know that I spent this past weekend at AuthorCon in Williamsburg, Virigina. For those unfamiliar, AuthorCon is a convention for horror readers and writers alike. It’s hosted by the charity Scares That Care, which is a volunteer organization dedicated to helping families affected by childhood illness/burns and women battling breast cancer. It’s a truly wonderful charity run by horror fans who simply want to help those in need. AuthorCon is great event for horror authors to get their work into the hands of readers, and it’s a great opportunity for readers to expand their reading horizons!

Back in August, one of my wonderful online friends Kirsten, aka TheSpineofMotherhood, messaged me on Facebook asking if I was interested in speaking on a panel of reviewers at AuthorCon this year. I was completely blown away by this invitation, and immediately expressed my interest. I already had been planning on going to the event this year, after I experienced intense FOMO watching all of my online friends have a blast during last year’s event. While I was pretty nervous at the thought of speaking in front of people in that setting, I was also so incredibly honored to have even been considered for this panel.

My partner & I arrived in Williamsburg on Friday evening after a daunting 5-hour drive. I was able to meet with my panel-mates (Kirsten, Eve, Elizabeth, & Sonja) later that evening, all girls who I had been familiar with since we all run in the same online circles. Prior to going to meet my friends, I was so incredibly nervous; this was my first time meeting my online friends, and I was so scared that I wouldn’t live up to whatever expectations they had of me based on how I appear online! What if I was too awkward, too weird? However, all my anxiety instantly melted away the minute I got with the girls. We sat down and jumped right into casual conversation as if we’d known each other for years. It felt so natural, not forced or awkward at all. After seeing how well we meshed over drinks, I knew we’d do just fine at our panel the following day. And though I had some slight trepidation in the moments before people began filing into the room for our panel, I was more so excited to chat about books with likeminded people…just with an audience this time! I can’t speak for the other girls, but just like the night before, as we began chatting about the process of reviewing books, my anxiety disappeared and was replaced by a strong sense of pride and belonging. Looking out at the small gaggle of people who came to watch us talk, seeing them nod and chuckle along as we vented about the complexities of being a book reviewer, I felt so accomplished. Throughout my time as a book reviewer, I’ve had people comment on my posts or contact me telling me kind things about how they appreciate what I do. But in the moments after we ended our panel and dispersed from the room, it really began to sink in that I have a place where I belong, a place where I am accepted and appreciated.

I feel like a lot of people seek out the horror genre for similar reasons. Naturally, most of us just enjoy spooky stuff and like to chase the thrill of being scared or disgusted. But I believe readers of this genre have deeper meaning for choosing to spend their time reading dark and disturbing material. Many of us have faced some sort of adverse experience in our lives and may even still be dealing with the trauma from those experiences; I know myself and others personally use horror as a way to cope with the horrible things we’ve gone through. We may feel like outcasts in our everyday lives due to our morbid interests. But the moment horror readers come together to celebrate the genre they love, there’s no judgment or hatred. We’re surrounded by other people who are just as weird as us and love the same creepy shit we do! It is so important to have a community in which you feel you are a respected member, a place where you feel safe and that you belong. For some people, that’s a sports team; for others, that’s a church. For us, that’s a horror book convention in a DoubleTree by Hilton in Virginia. It doesn’t matter what it is that’s bringing you together, as long as you’re able to connect with other people who appreciate and respect you. While I know some people have had negative experiences in the horror community, I have never felt as accepted and loved as I did while I roamed around the convention all weekend. Whether it was my interactions with authors (in which some of them recognized me before I could even introduce myself, which was a VERY surreal experience), or with other readers who enjoy the same books I do, I had a blast just being surrounded by other horror nerds.

I woke up Sunday morning with a strong feeling of gratitude. I felt so grateful to have been invited to speak with other influencers who I have looked up to and been inspired by since I started posting my own content. I felt so grateful to have friends who shared my interests. I felt grateful to have a hobby that gives me purpose. I felt grateful to have a partner who came with me and walked around with me all weekend despite the fact that he doesn’t enjoy reading. Most of all, I felt grateful to have a community in which I feel like a welcomed member. I’ve spent so much of my life longing for a place to belong, always feeling like I was on the outside looking in. But as I scrolled through my Instagram feed, seeing everyone’s posts of their book hauls and their selfies with their favorite authors, a profound sense of warmth and happiness spread within me. These were my people. I have finally found my people.